This is my very first blog post ever, im not to formiliar but im going to tak a good shot at it.!
As my very first blog i would like to share my pregnancy and loss experience. I found out that i was pregnant in december by accident realli, i went to the hospital because i was very very sick, while there the doctor informed me that i was pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was thrilled, my fiance was at work i txt him and then the phone died..bummer... my little bro and his gf came up they were shocked but excited. My mom found out after she returned from novascotia and we continued to inform people accordingly from there. The beginning of my pregnancy was not horrible but not a walk in the park either... i was often sick and achy and in pain...back,neck etc. Other wise the pregnancy was good healthy and so was the baby. I was sure i was having a girl which results later confirmed i was right...hahah i was right. In april i woke up one morning after being seriously sick the days before, to heavy bleeding, and a large clot..not trying to be icky but the size of a large steak. I panicked i was so scared and worried about my baby this little belly rider id come to love soooo deeply. we rushed to the hospital, where the checked things out and monitored me for three days.... i was ok and so was my little girl....so they sent me home with no new follow up app. just the regular one over a month later. and even told me they didnt know what was wrong or what happened. geee belleville hospital go figure. on a happy note the only happy note of being there was during an ultrasound maddie put her little hand up in the i love you sign, letting momma know she was ok <3 special little girl. On may 16th i was having bad cramps/pain i thought she was flipping, due to the time and the fact she was breech, i had this days prior aswell n brushed it off....my first pregnancy im only 21 i didnt know so i put it off, any ways on the 16th we went for ice cream..still having pain.... i decided i needed to go to the hospital something wasnt right.. so we did.... i went right up to 7th and they took me right in...maddies heart was still good. they continued to look me over and came back with there was a 50/50 chance that in the next two weeks i would go into labour...great....they decided that i should go to kingston hospital to be monitored...again pure terror my poor baby girl..... they put 2 nitro patches on me and sent me by ambulance, the ride down was bruital i was sooooooo sick that they put the lights and irens on and rushed me to the hospital, where my fiance met us and my mom later showed up with my dad. I was given an emergency c-section while being violently ill, by the end i had passed out...the epidural didnt even hurt the demerol they gave me in the but hurt waaaayyy more. My fiance went with maddie and i went to recovery. When i awoke i couldnt feel anything below my ribs, which was probably good cuzz i had a huge cut through the main muscle in my tummy. First thought was, where's maddie? how'smaddie? when can i see her? maddie maddie, maddie, i needed my maddie!!!!!!!! as soon as i was able to get in a wheelchair i rushed to the nicu to see my new baby girl..not sure what to excpect, all i was told was shess beautiful!!!!!!!! I got in washed my hands and went to see my girl.....SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL SOOOO BEAUTIFUL, and tiny she weighed 1 pound and 5 oz. soooo small but perfect absolutely perfect ..tiny hands... tiny feet..toes, fingers...little harie ears, sooo pearfect no flaws, she could grasp my fingers and she knew who her mommy and daddy were by voice, she sucked on a soother, yawned, wiggled around, and was very fiesty!!!! a fighter, a beautiful fighter!!!! her outside was so perfect, the inside had some more growing...madddies pda didnt close so they tried to give her indomiecine that unfortunately didnt do it byt that time her kidneys had started to fail, she also had a level 3 bleed on her brain common in micro premies, she battled with her levels for 2 weeks fighting and fighting. Finally our beautiful little girl couldnt fight anymore and there was nothing i could do i couldnt do anyhting i was her mom why couldnt i help her. why couldnt i fix it save my baby my miracle. all i could do was take her pain away give her peace, no more morphine and machine, i gave my little girl her wings. maddie passed away in my arms on may 29th 2011 at 12:00pm my angel got her wings i knew then she was never born to stay she had angel blood and god simply wanted it this way.... I miss her soooo bad and love her so much shes sooo beautiful my baby girl. maddie rose, maddison roseanne ruth vos my love and life my babay girl..... this is my first post ill continue later
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