Monday 19 September 2011
Wanting a baby...
When i found out that i was pregnant last december i was so excited, my chance according to what the doctor told were slim to none on having children...i have severe endrmitriosis and they had found cancer cells on my cervix.... gee thanx for the good odds.... i had even had the laser sergery to remove my cells while i was 2 weeks pregnant. I had a healthy pregnancy up until the bleeding, then came the early labour caused by an infection in my amniotic fluid..they never told me what caused it, why i bled, if it could have been prevented. no one told me anything, this makes me a bit upset.....I want to have another baby so badly not to replace my maddie rose, to give my love to another child, give maddie a brother or sister. I wish every month that i dont get my period. at this point in my life I dont care what anyone thinks about this I should have the right to try for another baby!! I want to live my life the way i want not how others feel i should.... I lost my preciouys miracle, and i want to see if by chance god will send me another, one that can stay here on earth with me<3 My purpose in life was to be a mother, even though i am to a beautiful angel, i was robbed of many experiences of being a parent. I miss my angel with all my heart and think that, i want another baby to share all this love i have. I want to be an earth mommy so bad!!!!!! Its very hard for me to see pregnant women and babie, it breaks my heart. I havent held a baby since maddie passed away. maybe im afraid to. i wish i had my little girl. i hope god gives me a second chance<3
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Hi, I found your blog from LFCA and this post in particular really hit home for me. We have a few similarities. I lost my little boy in 2006 when I was 22 years old. He was born at 27 weeks and lived for 15 days. One of my immediate reactions to grief was wanting another baby so badly I could hardly stand it. My daughter was born 15 months later. I can remember many people telling me that having another child "wouldn't fix anything." They said I was young and had plenty of time. Well, I am here to tell you those people are both right and wrong. Of course the child you lost will always be missing. But if you lost your first child, having another baby can "fix" the fact that you are a mother with no baby to hold. I don't regret my decision to try again, but there have been complications and repercussions I couldn't have anticipated until my daughter was already here. I am praying that you make the decision that is right for you, but please know that it is completely normal to be feeling the way you are feeling.
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